Dear Audrey

rocks

I thank my God every time I remember you.  ~Philippians 1:3
    Dear sweet little Audrey, 

   Daddy convinced me to go fishing with him today. As nice as it feels to get out i can’t help but feel guilty. I don’t want to enjoy life without you. The last two weeks have been so hard that I sometimes have to put you out of my mind altogether just to get through the day.
   The truth is I don’t want to have to not think about you or pretend that you were never here. You were here, and you brought our family so much joy.
  As I sat on the beach today watching your father I looked at the beauty all around us and I couldn’t help but smile and think of you. I have spent so much time asking God why me that I haven’t even got to acknowledge how thankful I was for you in the first place!
   I thank God that he chose me to be your mommy. I am thankful for the day we were told we were having a healthy baby girl, for the first time the doctor placed you on my chest and we fell in love instantly! I am thankful for the 81 days you spent with our family and all the memories we created.
  Although I desperately want you here and to not have to go through this pain, I would do it over again in instant for the life we did have together. Even though it is so hard to not be consumed by thoughts of all the things I am going to miss out on, I am going to also be thankful for the things I didn’t. Love you forever!
 
Mommy
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