Overcoming Fear

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Fear not, for I am with you. I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  ~ Isaiah 41:10 
  Every single morning when I open my eyes I see my beautiful little Audrey lying next to me lifeless. The immense fear I felt then is just as clear to this day.
  Every moment of my day since then has been faced with fear. At first it was the initial fears of “will she be ok? Can they fix her?”, and the doctor coming in to tell me they were unable to revive her. I even feared the fear I would feel seeing her at the visitation and the funeral.
  Facing all those moments were challenging, but I didn’t face them all alone. I had an amazing bunch of family and friends to do it with me. The real fear work, now that starts now.
   Now a days my fear consists of ” will something happen to my other children?”, or “how am I suppose to live life without her?” Everywhere I go I’m scared of how it will make me feel because all I can think of is that the last time I was here I had my baby. The last time I drove here she was in my backseat. The last time I went to Abi’s soccer game she was with us. The last time I made cookies she was sitting in her chair on the island smiling at me.
  
 Fear is in the simplest tasks that I have never thought twice about before. Now a days it takes a lot of praying just to get up the strength to walk into a grocery store. In fear that I might see a baby girl, baby clothes, or anything to trigger me to realize that my baby is not with me.
   See… It never ends, but what I’m learning is that right now, this new into my journey it’s not going to. I am though realizing that each second by second, and day by day I am conquering them. I also know that there is no way I could be doing this without his help.
So next time I walk into that grocery store or onto that soccer field, and my belly gets all tied up into a million knots. I am going to keep on walking and remembering that he is walking with me.
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