Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. – 1 Thessalonians 5:18
On Monday, June sixteenth, two-thousand fourteen I posted a picture to Facebook of my three beautiful girls with the caption, ” Feeling Blessed. ” It was a regular Monday spent in our home…we had done nothing special, yet while I sat on the deck that afternoon with Audrey, watching my two older girls swimming in our pool I felt something. I remember having an overwhelming feeling of pride. In that moment……on June sixteenth….I felt blessed.
That feeling was shattered immediately when I opened my eyes just twenty days later on the morning of July sixth. Blessed was the last feeling I could think of that day. With this being our second loss in a row, cursed felt more like the word to me.
It was so much easier for me to have faith, praise God, and be thankful for what I had been given when life was good. It became a whole new challenge and faith became so much more real once my whole world had been crushed. When the last thing I wanted to do was be thankful and praise God, yet at the same time…my faith was all I had left to hold on too. The only thing left to give me even a glimmer of hope.
When I found that picture a few days ago, it was extremely hard to look at. To me, it was another reminder of how oblivious I was to the fact that my life was about to take a drastic turn. But when I look at that picture today I feel differently….I still see three beautiful girls, two here…and one…that even in death, I still continue to feel blessed to be her mommy.
I truly believe that Audrey was a precious gift from God. A gift that has blessed me in so many ways. Not only in her short life, but also in her death. Not only did she bring so much happiness, joy, and love to our family, she has blessed me with many new and amazing relationships.(All of who have been helping me get through this awful time.) She has also taught me, if at all possible, how to love her sisters even more. She has introduced me to writing and has encouraged me to use what I feel, is the most hardest challenge I will ever face in this life to help others.
Little by little, God is showing me that although my life is hard right now…and I am devastated beyond words, that through him I am…and will continue to be, blessed.