….And Another First Begins.

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“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” – Ephesians 2:8

       There I was…standing in the aisle……..surrounded by rows of toys and women frantically grabbing the sales off the shelves. I had been there for the exact same reason, but as I began to make my way down the aisle I couldn’t focus on what I had came there for in the first place. My heart began to beat faster and faster as I realized that it had begun….that this was indeed the beginning of another first. Christmas was coming. Only this year, instead of celebrating Audrey’s first Christmas with our family, we would be spending our first Christmas without her.

     Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. It is a season full of joy, laughter,singing, and traditions. Although through the years it has also become increasingly stressful. It seems every year Christmas has needed to become bigger…better. Full of maxed out credit cards and competition with all the other mamas fighting for the same new toys for their children. Little by little ever year, Christmas has become more about things….and less about the reason we celebrate Christmas in the first place. A reason that had a whole new meaning to me this year.

      Feeling my emotions beginning to get the best of me. I quickly started to walk away from the rows of toys my little Audrey would never receive. The ball she would never roll across the floor, the blocks she would never stack just to knock back down, and the doll she would never cradle in her arms. In that moment of extreme heartbreak, I realized something….

     Although I would love nothing more than to see her rip through wrapping paper on Christmas morning with her sisters. Although my heart may long for her to experience all those little things that I have dreamed for her since she was conceived……..hers does not. Her doesn’t because she has already received the most precious and unimaginable gift she could ever be given. A gift that no amount of money could buy. A gift that I could never give her. 

     This year I was faced to really think about what Christmas means. When I began to strip away all of the bows, trees, and eggnog…. I was able to finally get a sense of the huge significance a tiny baby boys birth has on our lives. That Christmas Day was the beginning of the greatest gift we would ever receive. A gift that enables my precious little girl to have eternal life. 

      See I may have helped give her life…a  very special but short and temporary eighty-one days of it…..but because of Christmas….because of the birth of a little baby named Jesus…..he was able to give her a forever one. That is surely a gift that no amount of money, presents, wrapping paper, or cookies could ever replace for me this year….. and in the years to come.

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