When The Story Is So Far From Over….

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” – Vicki Harrison

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    After the death of a child I think every parents worst fear is that their child will be forgotten. That the baby that they have spent months preparing for, nurturing, and anticipating life withs name will someday no longer be spoken.

    I was terrified of that. 

    As the days, months, and now year has gone by I have struggled with what others would remember…what I would remember. I have felt scared and even guilty as the memories of every thigh crease and ear lobe dimple have begun to fade. When life with Audrey seems less like a foggy memory and more like a dream. As time continues to pass I feel an internal battle within myself as I try so desperately to hold on to everything and anything I can that reminds me of her, and as some things begin to slip from my mind and time tries to separate us, I can’t help but panic the further away I get from my baby girl.

   Death has a way of chewing you up and spitting you out a different person then you ever were before. The sting of death introduces you to a whole new world of fears and insecurities you never imagined. The fear that there is a possibility that your childrens lives could be ripped away at any moment….that the horrible things you read about in newspapers or see flash across your television screen could happen to you, and that you could very well be a part of that minority statistic that you never imagined. 

  One year ago today out of complete hopelessness and fear from Audreys death, Tutu Soon was born. Healing began as I put every fear, tear, and guilt in to words. Fears diminished as I was able to stop explaining to people over and over what I was feeling because they already knew. Most importantly my heart beamed with pride knowing that people I knew, and people I didn’t….people from near, and people from afar, all came along on this journey with me and would read about how much joy and blessings Audrey had brought in to my life.

   Upon approaching the one year anniversary of her death I began to think about what it meant to me to get through the first year. I wondered if people would stop reading, stop listening, I questioned if the repetitiveness of my emotions would become harder to read, that time would cause my sweet sweet girl to no longer be read about, talked about..

   Then last night as I spent the day with my family at the beach, as I argued with my husband when he took too much time driving home the long scenic route, and as I became more increasingly annoyed with all of the not so brief pit stops along the way. God reminded me of the bigger picture. 

   Just as we were almost home my hubby decided to make one more stop to watch the fish jumping in the river. One more stop that I thought was going to throw me over the edge but stopped me so quickly in my tracks as the amazingness of God and his timing was revealed. In those two minutes it took to pull over on to the side of the road, the sunset changed the entire sky to a soft purple. A moment that I will never forget as my family gasped at the overwhelming presence of our daughter and sister that entirely surrounded us. A moment that caused my arm hairs to raise and goosebumps to form. A moment that will never be forgotten.

     I thought about how I would have missed that moment if we hadn’t of took the long way home…..if we hadn’t of made so many stops along the way. My feelings of irritation changed to thankfulness as I felt Audrey with us and as I realized that she will never be forgotten. I was reminded that even if I forget the number of creases in her thigh, that he knows how many hairs are on her head. That even if the world stops reading, and if tomorrow comes and her name is never spoken on this earth again……. that her name will forever remain on the one persons tongue that matters.

      As we drove away from the river I looked back out behind me. Through teary eyes I watched as the purple began to fade away as quickly as it had came, just as Audrey had done. I thought about my journey this far. That this journey of grief doesn’t end at a certain date or milestone. I realized that as time goes on the days are not separating me further from her but are bringing me closer to seeing her again.  Most importantly it reminded me that my story….that Audreys story… is so far from over.

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Celebrating Audrey – Day 7, Mommy & Daddy

 “When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person that walked in. Thats what the storm is all about.” – Haruki Murakami

Sarah

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    It’s 5:43 am. At this very moment last year I was waking up to every Mothers worst nightmare. Exactly three hundred and sixty five days ago my eyes opened to my beautiful, loved, and desperately wanted daughter lying lifeless beside me. The lifeless look on her face and the way her limp body slouched between my hands as I picked her up from the bed will continue to haunt me not only this year but for the years to come. Years from now I will remember the smell of embalming fluid that had replaced her purple baby lotion when I kissed her perfect tiny lips for the last time.

  In a few hours from now I sat in a cold hospital chair in mismatched pajamas, covered in the milk she would never drink again, and held Audrey for the last time….wondering how in the world I was going to get through the next second let alone the next year. Having to physically remind myself to inhale and exhale because it hurt too much. Today..twelve months later,

It’s easier to laugh.

It’s easier to breathe.

But it is not easier missing her.

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  Truth is…in some ways it feels like just yesterday when I held her, but then other days it feels like a forever ago. I panic about tomorrow. I panic about not being able to say she was just here a year ago…that we were just here a year ago. Surpassing this year is the hard honest truth that the world is continuing to revolve without my precious baby girl…..that the world does not stop even if yours has come crashing down. Leaving you with no choice but to keep going forward.

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  Sometimes I get caught up trying to get back to life before….finding myself discouraged when I am unable to reach it. Forgetting that my life is never going to be the same again because my life on this earth is never going to contain Audrey again.  Life became busy when she joined our household and I was suddenly out handed with the three girls. The emptiness in our house arriving home from the hospital a year ago tonight, without a baby to no longer juggle in my arms as I bathed kids and made school lunches seemed cruel, and unfair…..but through that I learned something.

It was.

  Audreys death taught me that life is unfair at times but that I have been angry at the wrong person. That I could easily spend the rest of my life asking “why me?”, “why us?”, and “why now?” …or I could put my faith in someone who already has the answers. That the very person I have spent years wrestling with was the person who has been trying to protect me all along. That I was never promised a pain free life on earth, but was offered a pain free life in Heaven. Audreys death left me desperately searching for a God I may have never left my comfortable bubble to find. A god that has given me a peace that truly does surpass all understanding.

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  Her life taught me how precious each moment with your children are, and her death showed me how quickly those opportunities are gone. Her death shook my marriage to the core and made even the biggest of our issues that we had before seem trivial. She showed me that my family is precious and worth fighting for. 

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       To attempt to put all the gifts given, and lessons learned from Audreys life and death into one post seems impossible. It’s impossible because I will forever be receiving them….learning from them. My journey doesn’t end today, it continues on. Her death has brought so many opportunities of healing for others. Through real tears cried, and vulnerable broken hearts poured out…true friendships have been made. Nothing but pure joy has been felt each time I have been stopped because someone has read or heard about my sweet girl…even now she continues to create beauty from her ashes.

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     Audrey has caused me to be a different person than before….but I am a better one for knowing her and a  stronger one from losing her. Loving on her for two and a half months was better than never at all. Scared that her death was going to cause me to become afraid of getting too close or loving too much, it has instead caused me to love deeper…harder. It has showed me the insignificance of  a messy home, but the overwhelming need for a loving one. That time is better than things, and to fit in as many extra hugs, prayers, and kisses as possible. My love for her will forever live on in the remainder of my children.

   Years from now I have no idea where I will be. I have no idea what other trials and hard times will come my way….but I do know that I will be ready for them. I will be ready because Audrey led me to a God that thought I was worth waiting for. She led me to a God that loves me no matter what. She led me to a God that didn’t let me walk through this year alone….that won’t let me walk the years ahead alone.

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    When my time comes, and I am surrounded by my children while I leave this world. I take comfort in the fact that because of Audrey…that because of the God she led me to..the one that is missing from around my bedside…will be waiting for me with arms open wide.

I thank her for that.

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Until then I will continue to feel her where the waves meet the sand.

Chad

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   A year ago today my worst fear in life happened yet again. Not once…but twice the absolutely worst thing that could happen in a Dads life (or anyone for that matter) happened again. I should have been the one that keeps his wife and children safe from harm, but this I had no control over. No matter what I tried to do for her that morning it just wasn’t enough. It was out of my hands. That morning left our familys protector helpless. It kills me that I couldn’t save her.

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   In the days that followed this morning only a year ago, I could not help but think “What God?” That a God that would allow something like this happen to a family who had already endured so many trials already could not exist. It was when I began to see people in our church and community step up and care for people like us that they didn’t even know in various ways that I began to see a clearer picture. Ways such as paying for our previous pastor to travel from another province to speak at her funeral, provided meals, and we even had offers to pay for our daughter funeral. People that we didn’t know, people that didn’t know us, people that wanted nothing in return. I knew that these things were not “just” happening and there had to be more to it. I knew it had to be because of something far greater than us. My opinion of a God changed the day of her funeral when I found a sense of comfort knowing she was really with the Lord. I could just feel it. I knew it.

   Through Audreys passing I have had my life opened in a way that I may have never had opened otherwise. I am thankful that I no longer need an answer for everything and that I just need to keep having faith and trusting him. That at times when It feels dark and its hard to go on I can remember that ” God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all.- 1 John 1:5″

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   I am slowly being able to find peace with the situation by knowing that Audrey really is with him. In the past few days leading up to Audreys death I have been brought to the verse in 2 Peter 3:8 that has been the most comfort to me yet. It says, ” But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.” To me this means that  by the time I pass not even one day has gone by for her. That even though I miss her, she is still enjoying her very first day in Heaven. That my arms are empty but she is still being welcomed with opened ones. I cannot bear to wait so long to see her but I know she is in the best hands she could be in. Hands that are better than                                                                             mine. 

                                                                    I thank him for that.

Celebrating Audrey – Day 6, Amelia

   

“Hardships often prepare ordinary people…..for an extraordinary destiny.” – C.S. Lewis

Amelia

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    Amelia started bonding with Audrey from the  minute she found out I was expecting. She was not even two years old yet…. so the concept of a baby growing in Mommys tummy was an exciting thought to her. She would spend hours playing with the doppler on my belly, listening to her heartbeat, and watching her kick.

    Although…. my little Amelia had no idea what the true extent of a baby growing in her moms belly actually meant, and before we knew it April had rolled around and Audrey was here. Only this time Amelia was surprised to see this little baby we had talked so much about in my arms, instead of in the confines of my midsection. The look on her face said it all as she turned around and ran right back out of that hospital room as quickly as she had ran in. I remember being heartbroken as I came face to face with the fact that maybe this introduction was not going to be the instantly in love, adorable ones that you see pictures of.

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   I didn’t have to worry for long though, after the initial shock that this new little person would be living with our family permanently wore off, Amelia became an amazing big sister. With Abigail at school and Daddy at work, she became my little helper. I don’t think there was a bath, diaper change, or feeding that she wasn’t right there to help me with. We even took a daily nap together.

    As I watched Amelia play with her, lay with her, and love on her I couldn’t help but think about how excited I was that they would be so close in age. Dreams of best buds and bunk beds filled my head. I had it all planned out.

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    I had no idea how Amelia was going to react on the morning that Audrey went to Heaven. She was only two, and even though I knew she could tell something horrible was going on, my heart broke as I realized she had no clue the enormous impact that Audreys death was going to have on her life. That the moment she opened her eyes that morning her daily napping companion was gone, her best friend had left, and that there would no longer be a need for bunk beds or joint birthday parties.

    Amelia noticed Audreys absence almost instantly. She became upset, irritated, and even withdrawn in some ways. There were times she was extremely hard to be around as my heart broke every time that I heard her little voice say ” Wheres Audrey Mama?”  I felt so helpless of the fact that my children had just experienced the death of two of their siblings in a row at such a young age.

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     From talking about Audreys death and that she was now in Heaven and happy, Amelia eventually started to be comforted by that answer. Assuming that with her age and as life continued to go on, memories of Audrey would begin to fade….. I have been surprised as not a day goes by that she doesn’t at least mention her in some way. Whether she names her baby doll Audrey or tells me that she is in Heaven before we go to bed at night. There have been so many times I catch her just smiling and staring at Audreys picture and can just sense that God’s not only got Audrey, but Amelia and Abi in his hands and that they are going to be okay.

    As life continues to go on Amelia may not remember as much as the rest of us will. I am comforted in the fact that as the traumatic sounds and events of that life changing moment fades from her memory….the love for her sister will not. That she may have felt some of the stress, some of the anger, and some of the desperation that her Mommy and Daddy have not been able to hide from her view but that with faith in God we are making it. That she may not remember every intricate detail of Audrey and hers short time together but she will remember that she loved, and that she is loved.

    Through Audreys death, Amelia was able to learn that her parents are not superheros. She was able to see that although we can kiss every scraped knee, or offer a hug for a broken heart that we do not have the ability to fix it…to heal it. Through Audreys death she was able to witness our family go through something that we could not deal with on our own. She was able to see two broken parents come together by the grace of God. She was able to have her family restored to a better place than they were at before. She was offered a chance to have a happier and healthier life with a real superhero at the center of it all. Audrey introduced her….introduced all of us…… to a God that could heal our broken hearts. I thank her for that.

Celebrating Audrey – Day 5, The Uncles

Jeremy

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   Audrey was the first of my nieces that I got to hold right after birth. I was the first one waiting for her to come out of the delivery room. She came so fast but it seemed to take forever for her to come down the hall. I couldn’t believe how much she looked like her cousin and the rest of the Robicheau’s.

   She was the biggest baby out of all the Robicheau babies, but she still fit perfectly in one arm. I would come home Friday from work pick up my crew, and then head on down to the kids house to see my girl. We only had a few moments together, one being a Fathers Day barbecue and campfire at our house but they are                                                                   moments I will always remember. I wish I could                                                                     have had more time with her.

     I am a volunteer firefighter with my local department and on the morning of July sixth I awoke to a medical call and read the message quickly:

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     I thought what a shame. It was then that Kandise said ” well Audrey is almost 3 months.”  I  re-read the text message and realized that it was my brothers address. I jumped out of bed not even knowing where I found clothes and was out the door in a flash.

    I arrived in the yard to find Sarah screaming in horror on the doorstep.  I held her, trying to comfort her until the ambulance arrived.  I remember my Dad was in the road waiting to show the ambulance where to go. I left Sarah and went into the house to see my mom and brother doing CPR on Audrey. The paramedics took over and Sarah was trying desperately to reach her sister, but do to the hurricane and no power nobody’s cell phones worked. As Audrey was lowered into the ambulance I leaned over, kissed her forehead, and told her that I loved her. After I knew that Audrey was gone, it was me that went and tracked down the rest of family and friends. I held her for a bit at the hospital but then needed to go to the house with chad.

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    I went back to work for a couple of days before the funeral and Sarah called me asking me to find a gown for Audrey to wear. I looked all over Halifax and Dartmouth to find something perfect for her to wear…. sending picture after picture of them to her, but she was just too small for dresses.
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    At her funeral she just looked like she was having a nap, doll like and perfect. There were so many people that came to see her and pay there respects. As they carried her out I remembered they played Shine Your Light, it was a song from my favorite movie Ladder 49.

    A few weeks after her death, I got another medical call. This one wasn’t far from our house either. It was a family that had went off of the road and there had also been a death. I was terrified. When I arrived, there had been an infant girl close to Audreys age in her car seat upside down. Thankfully the little girl was fine but in the moment I was so angry. I didn’t understand how you could walk away unharmed from such a traumatic accident, while Audrey could just pass away in her sleep. It was a hard day…and a true lesson about life. 

   Audrey has taught me not just to live everyday, but every moment to the fullest. She has showed me not to take a single thing for granted. Thank you my sweet niece

Love, Uncle

Steven

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 One year ago today I held you in my arms. I remember just like it was yesterday wishing that the person snapping a picture of me holding you would just get lost and go take pictures of someone else besides me… but now I am so thankful to have that very picture of me holding you as it may be the only one.

    Just a few days after this picture was taken I remember the storm came raging through Yarmouth and that is when we lost you…I will never forget being woken up with the horrifying words that you were gone…and that we had to get to the hospital. I remember walking into the room…the sadness and the tears and holding                                                                      you one last time…it didn’t seem real..it didn’t seem   possible.

    I remember that day like it was yesterday…the tears that continuously ran down everyones face as hearts were just breaking …to have to let you go after so few days were spent with you…even your tough ole Uncle ‘Teves heart was broken. I did the best I could to help mommy and daddy in the days and weeks following you leaving us for Heaven…… and between all of the pictures, videos and stories I got to know you even better and felt all the love everyone had for you first hand.

     You had such an impact in such a short time and it continues on even today through your Mommy in how she tries to reach out and help so many others who struggle. I have become best buds with big sister Amelia who I love so much and your sister Abi is growing so fast. I have even taken a few selfies with lil brother Asher! You was our Borrowed Angel and this world is definitely a little richer because you came along.

Love, Uncle ‘Teve!! XoXo

Aaron 

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    Your Auntie threw your baby shower at our house. I got booted down in to the basement and watched a game while the girls all talked excitedly about you upstairs. I was excited too.

   I remember you had only been home from the hospital for a few weeks when you started to cry because you had a dirty diaper. Your Mom was so busy doing dishes and cleaning up so I took you out of your bouncy seat and changed your diaper for her. That moment became a joke we had, as she teased your Dad about me holding you                                                          and changing diapers.

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   We spent many family outings and holidays with you. As many as we could cram in to such a small time. Our families all packed up and headed to the beach for a big beach day. You slept in the sun tent while your Mom and sister buried me in the sand. You even got to celebrate Masons first birthday with us.

20140608_144535    Your death was very hard to accept for me. I had never experienced anything like this before. I almost shut down completely, not wanting to deal with the emotions that came along with losing a loved one…but I managed to do what I had to do and be there for our family. Your Moms arms wrapped tightly around me as I entered your funeral said it all.

  Your death has taught me that family isn’t measured by blood or a piece of paper.  That no matter what you will                                                           always be my niece.

                                                      Love, Uncle Aaron

Celebrating Audrey – Day 4, Abigail

“God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.” Psalm 46:3

Abigail

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     Abigail was younger when her first sister was born, so by the time Audrey came along she was old enough to help the way she wanted to. The look of love on Abigails face meeting Audrey for the first time was priceless. They became inseparable and Abigail would often hold Audrey on the couch while I would clean up after meals. Abigail would proudly call it “her job”, and it became their time together.

   Abigail wasn’t the only one in love, because Audrey was quite smitten with her also. Abi could calm her down just by speaking to her, and would often sing ” I love you forever” over and over again. Audrey actually smiled at her for the first time. Abi thought that was pretty special and would often tease me about it.

   We took Audrey camping for the first time when she was only four weeks old and Abigail loved being the big sister as she showed her off to all of her camp ground friends. She would proudly stand there as they ogled excitedly over the sight of such a small baby.

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   On the morning of July sixth my innocent Abi woke up to the sounds of horrifying screams, loud cries, and sirens. Panicked and not wanting the girls to see her sister laying lifeless on the floor, I quickly shut them in a room together and locked the door. Over the past year she has opened up to me about her fears that morning, and about trying to console her little sister in the bedroom while only a door separated them from the chaos going on outside.

    Having to tell Abigail that Audrey had died was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. I felt so helpless as the very pain I wanted so desperately protect her from quickly spread across her face. Knowing that I could not shield her from this death as I had done for her sisters Alexis I allowed her to say goodbye. My heart broke continuously as I watched her sit in a pink hospital chair and hold her sister in her arms as she started to blurt out any reason that she may have died, desperately trying to make sense of what had just happened.

   The morning that Audrey died I was terrified that a part of my bright, vibrant, and full of life little girl was going to die to. The morning that Audrey died I feared that Abigail would live her life bitter, angry, and in-contented with the questions we were unable to answer.

  But she didn’t.

  Through Audreys death she has watched, learned, and thrived. Through Audreys death she has witnessed the true love of our family, church, and community. She has felt the arms of the people we love wrapped around us in times we have needed it the most, and  she has seen her father step us as a leader, protector, and nurturer as he held our crumbling family together.

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  Abigail’s faith has grown as Audreys death has opened up endless oppourtunities for conversation about his grace, his love, and our need for him. Audreys death was traumatic…it was unexpected….and there was no way to sugar coat anything. There were times when I couldn’t hold it together anymore and she found me completely broken on the floor, but we kept going. We looked up verses together when we needed an answer, we prayed together when our questions were left unanswered and we just didn’t understand, and we cried together when it hurt too bad. We struggled together,but we also grew together. We smiled as I laid with her in bed at night and remembered Audrey, we wondered together as we talked about what she might be doing in Heaven, and we comforted each other as we missed her.

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   Abis life could have easily ended the day that Audreys did. She could have stayed angry at God, instead she glorified him. She could have ran away from him, instead she ran to him. She even expressed interest in being baptized. Audrey showed her that there is not only love in life, but that there is love after….that with life comes trials, and things may not always be the way we would like them to be… but that with the love of friends, family, and God we can overcome even the hardest of times. I thank her for that.

When I Just Want To Feel You……

“Every time I slip into the ocean it’s like going home.  – Sylvia Earle”

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    Ever since I was a little girl there has always been something about the ocean that has drawn me to it. There is just something about the mystery of it, that makes it so beautiful. The feel of the sand between your toes, the smell of the cool salty air, and the sounds of the waves crashing all around has a way of calming me on even the most anxious of days. It has been a place where many family memories have been made, laughs have been heard, tears have been shed, and people have been remembered. Over this past year the true significance to the ocean has revealed itself to me and has been my calm place, my hiding place, and my safe place in the times I’ve needed it most.

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   Audrey was almost two months old when we made our way to the beach for the first time. It was so beautiful out and I spent most of the day snuggling with her on the sand while the girls splashed in the water around us. Right before we were getting ready to leave, the water started to come up over the hot sand and it was so warm. With my love for the ocean and capturing memories…. I placed Audreys teeny tiny feet into the ocean. Little did I know that, that one spur of the moment act would be a memory I would cherish the most.

  The beach was the first public outing we made as a family shortly after her death. For the kids it was to return some normalcy back to their forever changed lives… but to us it was a way to just sit in the presence of our daughter. As I walked along the shoreline, the moment the ocean came up over my feet I felt like we were in the same place. Like my feet were in the exact same waters that hers had been just a few weeks before. It was one of the most peaceful moments in my life, and for the first time in weeks I could breathe.

   The ocean reminds me so much of my life. It is filled with so much wonder and beauty, but sometimes it is during the most biggest storms and roughest of seas that you can see its full potential. 

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   Most importantly it reminds me of God. It is a constant. It is bigger than me and never ending. I am comforted in the fact that no matter how far I run from it, that I can always run back. That no matter where I am in this world if I run long enough and far enough my feet will eventually reach the water. 

   The ocean will always remind me of Audrey, and for as long as I live as soon as the water comes up over my toes I will remember that her feet were in the same ocean. That just like God, it is my little piece of Heaven on earth that will forever connect me to her.

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Celebrating Audrey – Day 3, Grandparents

Grammie

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   Baby Girl…Grammies world was so changed the morning your Mommy came screaming in to my apartment with your lifeless body in her arms. Mommy’s desperation wanted me to look at her and be able to say that you were not gone..that you were just sleeping. But that peaceful look on your beautiful little face said otherwise. We could only go through the steps of trying to save you, but you were already in the arms of Jesus.

   Those next days are such a blur for me. I got through doing what I could by leaning on our family, friends, and God. Not understanding why  He took you, but seeing so much love all around and being able to hear all of the ways that you had made people happy in your eighty one days with us was so heartwarming.  We were not sure how our lives were going to go on without you, but we knew your short life had not been wasted.

   Mommy and I didn’t stay home a lot after you were born. You were happier when we ran the roads and there is not many places that you didn’t get to go. You experienced so much in so few days it was like we already knew we had so much to show you in so little of time.

    With all my other grandchildren I use to make up lullaby songs to them and each one had their own that I sang repeatedly. That was different with you. Each time I sat and rocked you and began to sing to you my mind would fill with hymns and I would end up humming or singing some old favorite hymn and never the same one. You never got your own lullaby and now I wonder if that was because God knew and was preparing you for the songs of Heaven so that future lullabies would continue to be familiar to you…Not that my singing would be anything like what you are hearing in Heaven! Or was it just because I was in the presence of an Angel and didn’t know it?

  When my son in law posted a song in your memory ” Borrowed Angel”, I knew that was just what we had had in our home. A borrowed angel…and I know God needed you back again. 

   Your little face stares at me from my shelf each day. I gaze at your soothie by my bedside and I sniff your baby blanket often praying for comfort.…these things have helped to get me through this year and the heartbreak of loosing you. So many memories live in my heart and always will.

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    Weeks after you returned to Heaven I stood in the ocean and the sun was a huge ball on the opposite side of the water. It looked like an open doorway to Heaven and I fought tears as I wanted to run into that water to get to you!  Instead I turned knowing that you are safe in the arms of Jesus and trusted God to get me through and to help me to be the Gramma, Mom and friend that he needed here on this earth.

   So much has happened since God has took you home. Our family has drawn together more. Loved deeper, prayed harder and felt surrounded by so much love both near and afar. We do not know why God took you but we know God’s reason is his own. 

  I have learned not to question but to accept and trust God for each day and be thankful for allowing us to have your sweet presence in our home for eighty one days. Your life has touched so many, shown us not to take life for granted, reminded us to hug our children more, to take time to spend together, and realize that our lives are ultimately in the hands of God. 

   Audrey you will always have a huge spot in my heart, and it is a joy to remember you even if the memories hurt. We will be together again and until then my heart will go on loving and remembering you my sweet Audrey baby.

 Grammie

Nana

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Sweet Audrey,
   I was so excited when Mommy told me you were on the way. The first time I saw you and held you I thought another beautiful little girl to love. As time went on and I watched you grow; I thought of how truly blessed I was to be your Nana.
   The morning Daddy and Uncle Jeremy came to tell me that you had returned Heaven; my heart sank to my knees. My first thought was it is not fair.
When I saw you at the hospital, I thought maybe if I just prayed hard enough that I would wake up from this nightmare but that did not happen. Saying good bye for now was one of the hardest things I have ever done.
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   Audrey, you had beautiful brown eyes that looked right into your soul. Your life may have been short but you sure made some big ripples in people’ hearts. You taught me not to take life for granted because you never know how long you have  and that if you love someone to tell them or show them because you may not have another chance. Another thing is not to sweat the small stuff and to take time to smell the roses along the way and to take the time to spend with family and friends because all we have is now.
   Life is not the same without you and there is a hole that can never be refilled. Missing you more than words can say. Until we meet again sweet Audrey. Love you.
Love forever
Nana