Baby Girl…Grammies world was so changed the morning your Mommy came screaming in to my apartment with your lifeless body in her arms. Mommy’s desperation wanted me to look at her and be able to say that you were not gone..that you were just sleeping. But that peaceful look on your beautiful little face said otherwise. We could only go through the steps of trying to save you, but you were already in the arms of Jesus.
Those next days are such a blur for me. I got through doing what I could by leaning on our family, friends, and God. Not understanding why He took you, but seeing so much love all around and being able to hear all of the ways that you had made people happy in your eighty one days with us was so heartwarming. We were not sure how our lives were going to go on without you, but we knew your short life had not been wasted.
Mommy and I didn’t stay home a lot after you were born. You were happier when we ran the roads and there is not many places that you didn’t get to go. You experienced so much in so few days it was like we already knew we had so much to show you in so little of time.
With all my other grandchildren I use to make up lullaby songs to them and each one had their own that I sang repeatedly. That was different with you. Each time I sat and rocked you and began to sing to you my mind would fill with hymns and I would end up humming or singing some old favorite hymn and never the same one. You never got your own lullaby and now I wonder if that was because God knew and was preparing you for the songs of Heaven so that future lullabies would continue to be familiar to you…Not that my singing would be anything like what you are hearing in Heaven! Or was it just because I was in the presence of an Angel and didn’t know it?
When my son in law posted a song in your memory ” Borrowed Angel”, I knew that was just what we had had in our home. A borrowed angel…and I know God needed you back again.
Your little face stares at me from my shelf each day. I gaze at your soothie by my bedside and I sniff your baby blanket often praying for comfort.…these things have helped to get me through this year and the heartbreak of loosing you. So many memories live in my heart and always will.
Weeks after you returned to Heaven I stood in the ocean and the sun was a huge ball on the opposite side of the water. It looked like an open doorway to Heaven and I fought tears as I wanted to run into that water to get to you! Instead I turned knowing that you are safe in the arms of Jesus and trusted God to get me through and to help me to be the Gramma, Mom and friend that he needed here on this earth.
So much has happened since God has took you home. Our family has drawn together more. Loved deeper, prayed harder and felt surrounded by so much love both near and afar. We do not know why God took you but we know God’s reason is his own.
I have learned not to question but to accept and trust God for each day and be thankful for allowing us to have your sweet presence in our home for eighty one days. Your life has touched so many, shown us not to take life for granted, reminded us to hug our children more, to take time to spend together, and realize that our lives are ultimately in the hands of God.
Audrey you will always have a huge spot in my heart, and it is a joy to remember you even if the memories hurt. We will be together again and until then my heart will go on loving and remembering you my sweet Audrey baby.