“The things you wish were most removed from your life are often the very things that God is using to shape you and make you into the believer of character He wants you to be.” ~ Unknown.
Chad came home around six that night. Just in time for me to head out the door to a bible study I had just begun to attend. We greeted each other quickly as he entered the door and I exited it. I had had a crazy day and I sighed a sigh of relief as I closed the car door and sat in complete silence for a moment.
I entered in to the bible study and was greeted by smiling faces and cheerful glances. My evening was spent eating yummy food, catching up on worldly issues, and being filled with truth. I left feeling a fuller woman then the empty-tanked one that had walked through the door only hours earlier.
I walked through my door expecting to kiss my girls goodnight, and spend a few quiet moments with my husband.. but instead my house was in chaos. In an instant my desire for order and routine caused everything I had heard about that night to fly right out the window.
My anger towards my husband completely blinded me from the fact that my husband had left work and walked in to our busy household while I had walked out of it. With both of us feeling unappreciated for different reasons and our tiredness from the day, our anger escalated quite quickly in to an argument.
In a moment I had gone from a Christian woman into a full fledged “monster” on a war path. What had I done. Why was I like this…..and as I climbed in to bed the regret and embarrassment of what had just happened in my household consumed me entirely.
I may have been able to hide what happened between my husband and I that night from the world. I may have expressed to the world on social media that I was attending a bible study or post a picture of our family helping out the community… but I am least likely to plaster the walls of my Facebook page with family arguments, marital troubles, or misbehaving children.
Why?
The answers simple…
Because its easier.
Now that being said, in no way am I encouraging you to use social media as a way of expressing your struggles openly to the world. (That would be a whole other problem.)But I am saying we only see half of peoples lives….the pieces that they choose and allow for us to see, and in todays world social media is one of the biggest influences on how we not only view…but compare ourselves and lives to others.
But see, this is exactly where we are failing.
Not only are we being tempted on a momentarily basis to adapt our lives towards other families morals and values off what we are able to see, but we are also hiding our own troubles.
In todays time where Christian women are struggling so hard to raise their family in an un-godly world, we are being watched more than ever. Eyes are looking to us not just in judgement but also in a non-understanding…..and by continuing to show only our accomplishments and triumphs and hiding away our challenges and struggles we are pushing people…women…just like us away towards the world because they feel more accepted out there.
Pretending to be good doesn’t mean that we are….it simply means we are good at pretending.
Truth is….I am a Christian. I believe in God. I pray with my children, I attend church, I try to regularly read the word. I attempt to help others in need. I believe in life after death, and I try to love on everyone regardless of circumstances.
……But I also sin. I mess up. I fall down. I struggle in my marriage. I become frustrated with my children. I sometimes find myself caught up in gossip. I worry about what others will think about my beliefs. I struggle with my weight. I am afraid of death. I am insecure, and sometimes I find myself judging others in ways I would not want to be.
Sometimes I doubt God. Sometimes for seconds and sometimes for days. I struggle with every single worldly issue as any other woman the only difference is I believe in a God that is there to help guide or haul me out of a hole I sometimes place myself in.
My life is far from perfect. I think that as Christian women we spend way too much time trying to hide our brokenness when in reality it is through that same brokenness and mistakes that God uses to encourage others. To offer hope, and love, and truth that we are all in the same fight together. There is something so beautiful (and scary) in being forced out of our comfort zones and being vulnerable.
Our ugliness can turn in to such a beautiful story of faith and redemption if we could just allow ourselves to let go of the fear of being “exposed.” So why can’t we just be real and lift one another up as we relate to others circumstances. We are currently raising the next generation of woman who is watching us with curious eyes, and who is going to need this even more than we do.
Choosing to become a Christian didn’t give me a stamp of approval to walk the rest of this life free from struggles and in perfection. (I wish it did.) It came with a stamp of responsibility to allow my life…every single part of it to show Gods love and presence in it. Being a Christian meant here I am…broken, lost, hopeless, struggling, imperfect, and un-whole. Here I am a mess, messing up…sometimes over and over again. But there he is loving me whole-y in my imperfection and guiding me to be the best that I can be. It’s about always having a cheerleader by my side.
Isn’t it time to be each others?
Tutu Soon 